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Whose Dreams Do You Follow? | The Toughest Relationship Question

Updated: Jul 25, 2020

It is one of the toughest questions you may have to answer in this world, and all for love. People ask me, or assume I have given up on my dreams to follow Rasmus abroad. But really, that is for me to decide.

In relationships, often times both partners are equally driven and competent with separate minds and goals in this life. How then, at a young age, can you ensure that both people are fulfilling their true purpose in this world?

I'd like to offer some thoughtful insight to this question, as Rasmus and I have spent hours talking about this in our own relationship. I was sparked to write about this topic after having a conversation with Rasmus and his uncle Fini at a family function when we talked about this topic late into the night over some Danish beers.

No matter whether it is my relationship, or any, the Y in the road will come. No matter whether it is a choice to move to the other side of the world or simply to your partners' hometown two hours away. When you love someone, you have to make tough choices.

When you are young and not really rooted anywhere, it is easy to fall in love with someone who has strong roots somewhere and follow them to no end. But be careful, you have to ask yourself if your dreams and wants align with where they are taking you.

As an individual, you can never be truly happy if you feel like you gave up your dream for someone else. So the best way to combat this is to keep a really open line of communication. Within my relationship Rasmus, has told me that if at any point, I want him to stop chasing basketball dreams, we can pull the plug. This means everything to me. I am able to do everything I want to do from Europe, and I can make my dreams happen from here. I know I have entered into a partnership where we are actively shaping our future together everyday.

Sometimes it is possible for both people to progress towards their dreams side by side, best case. But many times, it isn't. More frequently, you both won't get the job offer of a lifetime at the same time in the same city. Life just doesn't work that way. You and your partner have to agree to come to support each other in your dreams. If your partner loves you, they will not hold you back from what you truly desire in this life. And if you love them, you won't hold them back either.

Moving to a new country has helped Rasmus and me grow together. It has been really hard and really rewarding for us. This is something no one can ever take from us, these memories. But we have had some tough conversations, and have had to make sacrifices to make it happen. Whether you are moving across the country, moving states, cities, or simply staying put for your partner... it is hard. But be clear about what you want and what you are willing to take or leave behind in order to be with someone. We are living in a global world! It is becoming less common to meet someone is high school, fall in love, and never leave your hometown. It still happens, but less so.

Chase your dreams! And if you are with the right person they will support you in every way they possibly can, while knowing that they have to do what is also right for them. It doesn't always mean you stay together, but if you love each other for real, distance won't keep you apart. Whatever you do, make sure you are open and honest with your partner about what you need and want.

I'm offering some insights to those who are younger than me, or simply at a Y in the road. Don't be afraid of your dreams. You have to do what is right for you. Don't let your dreams slip away. Both partners have to pull equal weight, and that is the only way to make it work. And constant communication and reevaluation of wants, needs and direction is crucial.


Rasmus + Lindley

Rasmus and I are celebrating our three year anniversary this month! We have started keeping a timeline of our relationship through a really cute app called "Timeline," and I think it is a great way to document big moments. I am so thankful for the three years I've spent with this incredible man who pushes me to chase my dreams. I love you, Rasmus.


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